So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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