my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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