yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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