She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
