I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How naked do you want me to be?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
