I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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