the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
