u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
