Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
this will be a night to untag.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
