Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
