My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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