i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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