Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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