So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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