Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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