He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
