roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
