just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
