Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
