I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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