If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
