I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
