is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
