Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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