Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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