bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ugly people sure do ruin things
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
