You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
