dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
