She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I love having hate sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
