I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
