Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
