went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
