Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
