Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
