If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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