Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
