Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
