I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
