awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
