i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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