New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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