THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
