Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
