I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
and you fell through a lawn chair
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