So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
love makes seman taste better
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
