I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
