So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize