you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
