2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
