he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
