I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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