I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
