Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
