TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
