Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
