My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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