got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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