he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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