Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.