Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash