So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning