You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome