Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background