Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.