i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug