I just threw up on my dentist
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245