I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"