don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.