Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great