she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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